How much is enough?

This has been on my mind for many days now.....and no I am not talking about money but about pushing the children to realise our dreams and live up to our expectations. How much should we push our children to come first and be tops in everything that they do.

The thought comes in my head specially when I see moms and kids together at a place where there are many other children, like at the hobby classes, parks, the lavish birthday parties that have become the norm for all kids to have. I see the moms more upset than the children if the child does not win, the child may still be laughing and enjoying the fact that atleast he had a good time and participated in the event whether at school, hobby competition or at birthday party games. Isn't that the spirit of sportsmanship and why can't we teach them that? And the childhood days and the fun, what about that? do we have a right as parents to deny them the innocent years with the stress of competing for 'more'?

I think about it so much as I am not one of those pushy moms.......I am a happy go lucky working moms, where a discipline for attending the hobby class is important but not a matter of life and death if missed. I am not the kind who sweeps through the children's notebooks to ask the teacher why the child got half a mark less or why were marks deducted ( sometimes I am pleasantly surprised at what my children have achieved when I see their work at PTMs...Ouch) - I do not network with the hobby teacher to push my child in the competitions coming up. I do network to wish them on festivals and teacher's day as i feel it is my duty, given that they give so much joy to my kids.


So why am I thinking so much about it? Let me give you a few examples.......

I know of a mother who was very keen that her daughter participate in sports events and has finally achieved that with pushing her for two whole years of this and that. recently, my daughter said that the girl was very upset that her mom was upsetthat she wasn't chosen to participate in a competition as hr coach felt her performance was not good enough...and lol three days later the mom had managed that as well. How? search me.....Would it really have been such a disaster if her daughter did not go? Couldn't she have gone when she was ready and qualified on her own?

Another mother I know pushes her child socially...." go play football now and why don't you do so with so and so ( the reason being that the people she is pushing the child to are richie rich with the state of the art latest gizmos that money can buy and the children are swankily dressed..) So what are we teaching the child that anyone who has no money or is not flashy is not worth it? I had the same mother look me up and down with astonishment when I described some London streets and places to, when she was off on her first London trip. Well, the reason for her astonishment was simple......"I amjust a old fashioned girl, with a old fashioned wardrobe( yes my power dressing is still Indian clothes) and my car is a small one, while the mother in question is ready to outgrow her Esteem ( the car that is ...ha ha) . And I had been to London many times so as to describe the sights and roads...........

Another mother.......her son had to race against other students at the Taekwondo class ( races are a part of warm ups before the sparring) and he could not come second..so while most of us were happily sitting and destressing or walking she would sit watching the class and egging her son on...and lord help the son if he came second.

Another one thought that the child had to participate in ALL competitions happening at school as it builds the competitive spirit in them, Good, I said must encourage my daughter to do the same. The funny thing was that to build the spirit of competition in the children for this mother meant that the children had to be in the top three selections.......Oh , and here I always counsel my children to study hard, gain knowledge and not worry about marks or coming first in class.

So I wonder - are my children loosing out as I am not pushing them, could they have gone places with their talent and work if I had thought about all that. Am I the odd one out who is not doing so and disadvantaging my children in getting the most out of life? Are my children not going to find their 30 seconds of fame in talent shows and competitions. Will they have to wait for their glory when they fly on their own? What should I do? Push them? But comes back to my question at the beginning - how much is enough? Does any one have an answer? Do tell me.........